you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize