Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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