Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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