remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
