The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
