3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize