I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
