He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
