I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
