I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
