Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
