he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
