Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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