Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You are a genius and a whore.
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