There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
