She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
