I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
