Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
