And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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