I hate your face
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
