Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
