Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
