im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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