i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
