Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
