Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
