Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
