I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
