is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
