How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
