I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
