it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
