Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
