how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
