True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
