I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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