Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
