I hate your face
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
