forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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