Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
