remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
