the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize