my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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