oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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