My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
