then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
