like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
