I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize