Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
