She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bring me that man meat
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
