Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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