If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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