I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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