Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
