I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
