Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
