He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
