I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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