I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
