had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
