I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
