are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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