I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
