i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
