I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
