i just google imaged poop.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
