A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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