i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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