Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
