I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
