k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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