wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
