Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
