i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I currently don't understand fingers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
