so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
