I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
