where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
