Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
