I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
