You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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