We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize