Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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