He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize