i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
