i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
