The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
