Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
