my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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