So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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