ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
