she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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