he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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