If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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