some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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