I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
