flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
