i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My bed smells like the plague
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
