we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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