I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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