I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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