Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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