I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
