So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
