just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
