Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You made out with two different species that night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
