so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
