I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
