Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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