i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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