i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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