I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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