My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
