Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
